Drama ensues

The darndest things always happen to me: I get locked out of my house this morning at 8:30am (correction, not locked out, lock broke!), I decide to run 2.5miles to my cousin's in attempts to get a key and try to catch her or her husband before they leave for work (luckily I had my tennis shoes on, thank the lord!), she's at work and her house is locked, so I try to steal her bike in the back yard to avoid running the 2.5miles back to my house, I fall down a hill with a bike ontop of me, try to ride the bike with two flat tires, decide it's a bad idea, try to return the bike up the hill, puncture my leg on a very sharp branch, on my 2.5mile run back home I stop at Holy Cross Hospital to use a phone book and phone to call the locksmith, everyone wants to call me back on my cell which is locked inside the house! Finally run back home to see a lovely locksmith waiting there for me! Somehow I manage to get to my 10:30 appointment on time too, whew!

Old People

I'm scared to grow old because of the things some old people talk about. When the talk about their hips and arthritis and how they can't walk up and down stairs anymore or walk through doors, I tremble. When they mention their poodle named "Precious" who died last year and has left them all alone, I shudder. When they mention the piles of stuff that they've collected over the 80 years of life they've been living and their hoarding tendencies, I cry. When they talk about contractors taking advantage of them and running away with one of their retirement checks to Bermuda, I get angry. I don't want to become old and I don't want to talk about old things either.

Pineapples

If you're like me the thought of fresh pineapple is just pure excitement! Juicy, gooey, yellow, sticky, tart, tangy, sweet, pure freshness and goodness... I buy a fresh pineapple about once every other month and the exact same thing happens every other month. I look at it, admire it, and let it sit for weeks because I don't want to deal with the hassle of having to cut off the hard, sharp, dinosaur like skin. I watch the pineapple go from a greenish color, to a yellow green, to lime yellow, to yellow yellow, to brownish yellow, to brownish with white rotting spots... I let my beautiful pineapples spoil because I just can't deal with the thought of having to take the nasty peel and skin off... By the time I finally do get around to cutting the rind off, the pineapple is almost pure juice....the pineapple screams at me...."Why didn't you take advantage of me sooner? Last Tuesday I was perfect for you, and now...I'm all rotten and gross!" I'm always feeling guilty about pineapples...